My Kind of Princess

I have lots to write about the kids' mikvah and naming, but of course
I've had no time to sit and do it. Meanwhile, here is a scene from the
Purim carnival a few weeks ago.

K sat at a table coloring a paper crown as the noise swirled all
around her. Like all the little girls, she had dressed up as Queen
Esther. She looked so sweet with her shiny auburn hair, her sparkly
princess dress--and fangs. Yep; she had won a ball-toss a few minutes
prior (she has a heck of an arm) and chosen vampire teeth for her prize.

Tenderness From a Boy

M and I lay down in the master bedroom yesterday because I desperately needed a rest and he wanted to lie down with me. He brought his new toy tow truck. As I lay there, he gently used the hook to remove my glasses so he could kiss my eyes. Then he combed my hair with the hook.

Whale?

Our pediatrician has recommended that the kids use a squirting-water sinus-rinse bottle every day, just like I do. So I got them each one and have taught them to use it.

K loves it. She can really feel the clarity after she blows the water out of her nose. However, the first time she used it correctly--squirting water in one nostril and letting it run out the other--she said, "It feels like a whale swimming through my nose!"

Eating

K has been eating lately like a healthy, active child who trusts that food is available. She samples many of the dishes on the table rather than refusing them in order to punish me. She makes excellent nutritional choices most of the time. She tries her best with table manners rather than eating as fast as she can with her fingers. She eats what seems to be an appropriate amount rather than gorging or picking. She even said to me once recently, "Mom? Remember when I was afraid we didn't have enough food? I'm not afraid anymore."

I guess we handled her right, or she grew, or (probably) both.

M, on the other hand, has been less easy to feed than formerly. We used to call him "the vacuum cleaner," but no longer. At some meals--usually if he's mad at me--he'll refuse to taste anything i've cooked. He won't taste new foods. He will demand (yes, demand) something I have no intention of serving. He will in general use terrible table manners. If he does put food on his plate, he will eat little of it, usually quitting once K inquires about dessert.

I had been letting M's behavior get to me; that is, I'd be surprised and angry and not very calm. In other words, I let him see that his eating could affect my emotions. So I've decided to stop letting him see. After all, this behavior of his is probably a bid for control. I'm willing to give him more control, but not of me. My new strategy:
-Be as calm with him as I was with K.
-Inform him of the nutritional content of the food on the table. (Sometimes he goes for the "muscle food" or the "bone food.")
-Let him go hungry: "Your choices are what's on the table or waiting until breakfast."
-Let him make himself pb&j if he wishes. (That's our way of saying, "If you don't eat what we cook, make your own meal.")
-Don't withhold dessert--don't do anything requiring that we pass judgment on what he eats. If he wants dessert, fine; he can go through the night on half an apple and a peppermint if he wants to.
-Empathize when he's hungry, but don't give him snacks. ("Sorry you're hungry, honey. I get hungry too when I skip breakfast. No, we don't have any snacks in the car.")
-Because he is on the skinny side, feed him nutritionally dense food when he's in an eating mood.

I'll keep you posted.

Pirate Flags

This happened a couple of months ago, probably when Petrina and some other folks were flaming me about M's circ. I wasn't finding very much funny at the time.

Our whole family went shopping at IKEA, and one of the things we came back with was a set of rolls of wrapping paper. M and K claimed them as theirs as soon as we walked into the house. They ran into K's room, in which I had recently put my old CD player. They shut the door. Then they put on my recording of Gilbert & Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance.

When the music got really loud on the song, "I Am The Pirate King," I peeked through the door. They were marching around in their undies, waving the wrapping paper, which they had torn and unrolled slightly at the top so that it looked like flags.

The Harassment: Care To Address It, Readers?

Hi, all. Sorry to bother you with this. "PJ" hasn't quit writing comments on this blog, and I'm getting tired of hearing from her. As far as I know, she hasn't contacted a rabbi or adoption agency lately about how Peter and I kidnap, mutilate, and force the conversion of Christian children, but I could be wrong. I'm going to post her latest two comments below so you can see what I'm going through and perhaps respond. Yeah, I support free speech, but I do wish she would shut up. Mental health professionals might still find her monomania interesting, but I don't.

PJ has never put her full name on her comments, but it's Petrina J. Fadel. She is director of an organization called "Catholics Against Circumcision," which is based in Groton, NY. I suppose it wouldn't be hard to find out more about her if one wished to do so.

Search for my new tag, "Harassment," to read her other comments. In some of those entries are links to GMParents.com, another blog where I have written about my kids and where I've been harassed. Enjoy.

Sent 2/25/09:
M., as a baptized and confirmed Christian who has received the body and blood of Christ in Holy Communion, you had no need of circumcision. This act committed against you was an offense against you as a Christian and against the teachings of the Christian faith. Any act such as this of religious intolerance against one Christian is an act of intolerance against all Christians. When you are older, you will realize this. Sadly, your parents do not realize this now.

You are first and foremost a child of God, before you ever were the adoptive child of adoptive parents. You and your sister are not the personal property of any other human being. Such thinking does not respect your human dignity.

Despite this fraudulent ritual marking your body, you have the indelible mark of Christian baptism upon your soul. No bodily marking of Judaism will ever remove or replace this mark of baptism. It is placed there by Almighty God, and no mere human can undo what God has done. Your sister K. also has this indelible mark of baptism upon her soul.

When you turn 18 and are an adult, you have the right to obtain recompense from those persons responsible for committing the act of circumcision upon you. William Stowell did this when he sued the doctor and hospital responsible for circumcising him as an infant. You can read about his case at:
http://www.cirp.org/news/mndnewswire04-29-03/

Some adult men are now undergoing the process of non-surgical foreskin restoration to restore some of what was lost sexually by the act of circumcision. As an adult, you can learn more about this in the book "The Joy of Uncircumcising" by Jim Bigelow, PhD.

During this Lenten season, I pray that God will open the eyes of your adoptive parents to allow you and your sister to practice and embrace your Christian faith as God intended. The words of Jesus on the cross come to mind now, "Lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

***********************************************

Sent today:
You state:

"Then there's our kids'
mikvah (immersion ritual) for the part of their Jewish
conversion that takes place now."

Then, after writing about "their Jewish conversion," you state,
Judaism doesn't convert people--especially adopted kids--without their consent . . .The following day is their Hebrew naming
ceremony..."

This is very confused thinking, to speak about "their conversion," and then to say that Judaism doesn't convert people. Perhaps Judaism doesn't believe in forced conversions, but your actions show that you do.

I agree that M. and K. won't be converted, and that is because they are baptized and confirmed Christians. They were "immersed," so to speak, in the waters of baptism when water was poured on their foreheads and these words were said: "I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." These children were given baptismal names at that time. Baptism removed the stain of original sin (the sin of Adam and Eve) from their souls and made them members of the mystical body of Christ. With their baptism, they became Christians, and an indelible mark was left upon their souls. In addition, they received Holy Communion. Three Christian sacraments were received by them on the day of their baptisms.

To not take seriously the importance of these Christian sacraments to these children and to other Christians is an affront to Christianity.

You may not want M. and K. to be Christians, but that is what they are. It is troubling that you can't accept them as Christians, but instead think you need to change them to fit your idea of what you think they should be. No rituals like circumcision or mikvah or Hebrew naming will erase their Christianity. The fact that you have been unwilling to accept and love your Christian children as Christians, and have told the whole world about your attempts to forcibly "convert" them, is troubling indeed.

Most religions condemn forced conversions. As a follower of Judaism, you are showing the world that you do believe in forced conversions. Remember, these Jewish rituals don't erase or alter in any way the fact that these children are Eastern Orthodox Christians. These children deserve to be loved for whom they are, and that is as Christians who were adopted into your home.

A Rough Three Weeks Ahead

So here it is. Both kids have birthdays, which we will celebrate on the day of AND in parties for their friends. M also has a school celebration. That's five parties right there. Then there's our kids' <i>mikvah</i> (immersion ritual) for the part of their Jewish conversion that takes place now. (If you remember, Judaism doesn't convert people--especially adopted kids--without their consent: our kids will make the choice later in life, once they've learned more about their origins.) The following day is their Hebrew naming ceremony, at the synagogue, after which we'll have an open house party. So we're up to eight occasions.

Right now, I'm busy sorting out RSVP's and emptying the playroom of outgrown toys and planning birthday meals and trying to make the house presentable. Oh, and keeping the kids from bouncing off the ceiling with excitement.

It's sorta fun, but--I got two Masters degrees for this?

"Show Respect"

One method of positive reinforcement we use is the "Smiley Chart."
It's a magnetic board on which we daily put smiley magnets when the
kids complete their personal tasks. Last night, as we were discussing
whether M should get a smiley for "Show Respect," K said, "No."

I asked, "Why not?"

She said, "Because he yelled at me."

I asked, "Why did he yell at you?"

She replied, "Because I pushed him."

Peter and I, of course, made sure to explain to her that "Show
Respect" works BOTH ways.