Being Six? Or Something Else?

Below is a list of annoying behaviors K has demonstrated recently. If you aren't an adoptive parent or adoption-savvy professional, you might respond to this list by thinking, "So what? Lots of kids behave like this." But if you know something about emotional sequelae of adoption, you might think otherwise.

-walking straight toward obstacles instead of around, blaming others for placing them there
-blaming bumps, tripping, and other minor injuries on other people
-letting her room get so messy that she can't figure out how to clean it up

-constantly interrupting conversations between a beloved adult and another child
-constantly seeking eye-contact or body contact with beloved adult when adult is alone with her

-overeating at meals for fear of being hungry later
-nagging adults about dessert when the rules about dessert are known, consistent, and have already been stated

The first group of behaviors seem to me hallmarks of someone whose understanding of personal responsibility is a little off. I have seen and heard her yell at M hundreds of times when she steps on a toy he left out even though she had plenty of room to walk around it. She will yell at me when I am, say, folding laundry while she's trying to draw: "You're making me mess up, Mom!" The messiness could be the way she likes her room, or an early sign of an attention deficit, or another indication that she feels a bit at the mercy of the world around her. Not surprising for someone who was moved into and out of orphanage care within her memory: she might have learned that life just picks her up at random one day and plops her down anywhere no matter what she does.

The second group of behaviors, which come and go, seem to me the result of fear that there isn't enough of a beloved adult to go around, or that the adult will leave. Quite consistent with K's history. Her teachers and I manage the behavior well enough, but the day is going to come when it simply won't be appropriate for her to be sitting on the lap of her male 5th-grade teacher.

The third group of behaviors seem quite reasonable for someone who was deprived of food and craves control of it. She's been doing very well with food for months, but her nagging about dessert got completely out of bounds the other day, and I don't know why,

Peter and I are debating whether to start K in therapy with an adoption-savvy professional.