Here are our goals for our kids for the summer:
1. Wean them off naps, since naps are interfering with their nighttime sleep and their availability for play dates. K might have afternoon kindergarten in the fall, so this is especially important for her.
2. Get them accustomed to doing things separately, including, if possible, developing separate friendships.
3. Get K accustomed to the idea that the school where she will attend kindergarten is "her" school. Get M used to the idea that he, too, will go there one day.
4. GIve them social time with friends and, if possible, future classmates.
And here are my own goals for the summer:
1. Finish unpacking and organizing the house from our move last summer.
2. Finish up legal and financial tasks we've let slide since adopting 18 months ago.
3. Spend enough time in the sun, working at our CSA farm, to maintain my mood during the winter months. (A lifetime depressive, I know that I need this.)
4. Re-establish the social relationships I need to stay healthy.
5. Resume my weight loss, now that my self-care skills are coming back. (They seemed to vanish when we adopted.)
6. Research literary journals for submitting my short writing. If they're accepting work this summer, submit now. Alternatively: Turn out another book chapter or two and start hunting for an agent.
I'm willing to let goals #4-6 go until fall if I have to. I do not know Peter's goals, and I suspect he hasn't had time to think about them. He is taking two weeks off: one for our trip and one to cover for me while I'm at a local writer's conference.
Our original plan had been to have the kids in day camp for parts of the summer at the children's center they've always known. We were going to craft a short-day-long-day schedule for those parts, to mimic the schedule they'll have in the fall. We were also going to pull out first one kid, then the other, for a few weeks of shorter days at a different camp. The intended result: rested kids with plenty of unscheduled afternoons for casual play and an inkling of what it's like to be separated for entire days. Adopted kids typically have a lot of issues come up during school year transitions, so we devised this plan to help K & M encounter them at a leisurely pace.
Our plans were impossible to implement. It turns out this year's children's center's camp schedule won't permit a mixture of long & short days. It also turns out that EVERY camp in our vicinity has the same starting time as the children's center--meaning I'd have to drive both kids in different directions at the same time every day. The one exception, which has a half-hour offset, closed for enrollment before we even inquired. There are camps that provide their own transportation, but we can't afford them.
*sigh*
Therefore, our current plan is to have the kids at the children's center for the full day, 9-4, the entire summer. They are working up to this longer day right now by attending the end of the center's preschool program on a complicated schedule of alternating long and short days, and we're shifting to an earlier bedtime. During camp, I'll take one kid out for a "Mom Day" one entire day each week. My current plan is to pull out one kid per week, so I lose only one day of cleaning-farming-writing time. The children's center staff are intrigued by and supportive of this plan.
I keep trying to remind myself that we can change this plan if it doesn't work. We can cancel some children's center weeks. We can still enroll in a half-day local sports camp, hiring Nancy for some of the driving. But I'm also aware: one of the reasons I want to keep K & M scheduled is that I've never had them home for an entire week on my own. When we first adopted them, Peter took time off, and the four of us hung around together for three weeks. Since then, K and M have had varying numbers of hours per week of preschool and camp. And they've napped. I've never had them 5 days/week, all day, with no down-time. I feel guilty because I'm letting my own fear be a factor in planning the summer. Ours is the only family I know where both parents don't work 9-5 that the kids are so scheduled. And yes, I do know the value of unsupervised play.
What I know of other kids' summers: The kid (there's always only one preschooler per family) will be in half-day camp for a few weeks, and that's it. I imagine each mom happily playing in the sprinkler with her kid, gardening, hanging out with another mom and kid at the beach, etc, until the older sibling(s) come home from full-day camp at end of day. The kid has self-directed fun, learns to cope with boredom, has spontaneous playdates with neighbors. The mom has no goals of her own & isn't trying to write a book; since they haven't moved recently, her house is in perfect shape; she is fulfilled simply being with her little one 24/7. I think, "There's a dedicated mom. I'm such a wimp."
The reality, I'll bet, is somewhat different: around here, families often travel for a month at a time, own a summer home, or have a nanny who will drag the older siblings to sports lessons while the little one tags along. My vision of the ideal mom might not be the local reality, but I feel guilt anyhow.